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Reclaimed Denim Jacket $1,200

Aug8

Maori Mask Jacket Figue 1200

Now at first glance, you’ll just go “Ew, what the hell is that crap?” because you haven’t been told it’s a ‘hand-embroidered Maori Mask patch.’

So get this:

All embellishments are done by male artisans in Southern India.

What a wondrous statement! Why ‘male’ artisans? Why Southern India, when Maori are the indigenous people of New Zealand?

Maori jacket 2

Most of all, why does Figue think we should pay $1,200 for this eyesore? Is it because…

each reclaimed vintage Levi’s denim jacket [is] sourced by Stephanie for its wash and fit.

Stephanie, whoever you are, you have some fucking nerve.

Oh Hell Yes

Aug1

feather trim jean shorts opening ceremony

Right?

We needed feather-trimmed denim shorts and now we have them. It’s like god is listening to our prayers.

Opening Ceremony ReWork refashions vintage denim and basic tees into a chic, feather-trimmed collection. Vintage Levi’s 501 and 505 jeans are reconstructed and rewashed into shorts and pants, while T-shirts are fashioned from soft cotton. Each piece is adorned with pink or white ostrich plumes.

What a chic and witty statement piece for only $150!

Yohji Yamamoto Drop-Rise Jeans

Jul8

yohji yamamoto front 610

These stunning jeans are available exclusively at Barneys and you can see why.

Where else would you go looking for denim pants in a horrible faded wash that make you look like a hobo who needs a bathroom?

yohji yamamoto rear 610

The rear view is breathtaking, isn’t it? I love that the crotch is so near the ankle.

And the patch pockets are placed so artfully!

For those of you familiar with rise and inseam: 27″ rise, 17″ inseam.

Never argue with Yohji. Just fork over the $610 and never look back.

The Denim Hooded Cape

Jul3

Denim Hooded Cape - See by Chloe

‘This sharp denim style transforms a wardrobe-staple fabric into a full-on statement garment, by combining light, medium and dark washes in patchwork design.’

Yes, this is a full-on statement but what is the statement? “I have no taste!” Hi, I’m blind!” or just “Please don’t laugh?”

I will admit that this ‘piece’ is versatile. Look at all the ways you can wear it! The arms-out style is my favorite; it’s like something you’d wear during surgery for the amputation.

Denim Hooded Cap rear - See by Chloe

The rear-view is challenging. It suggests a nurse or a member of the clergy, but with something sinister afoot.

Just take it away.

See by Chloe, $465.00

Back To Front Jeans, Ha Ha

Jun23

back to front jeans haha710 dollars

These high-rise distressed jeans are a little joke by Ashish, a brand that thinks denim should be ironic.

Wouldn’t it be funny if you wore jeans that looked like you put them on backwards but they were actually made that way? And how much funnier if you paid $710?

Look, here’s the back view:

back to front jeans 2 haha710 dollars

Well, it doesn’t get much funnier, does it?

Call me humorless, I usually try to look attractive in jeans, even when I don’t. I might wear them backwards if you paid me $710. In fact, yes, this is an official offer for a limited time only.

A lot of thought and work went into these stupid trompe l’oeil jeans, effort that should have been directed toward curing cancer or making low-fat ice cream in more flavors.

The good/bad news is that now you can get these jeans on sale for only $426. They’re sold out in size large, so be watching for a big rich lady with her pants on backward.

Slogan Denim Trousers $275

Jun13

tigran avetisyan jeans 2

These oversized bleached black denim trousers have a wide leg and an elastic waistband stitched with the enigmatic phrase, “What Will Remain.”

Oh just shut up. They’re also unbelievably stupid from every angle.

Does the fact that the designer, Tigran Avetisyan, is a Russian hipster mitigate the awfulness of these ‘denim trousers?’ Not for me. No pass for Tigran.

If we’re grading strictly on unattractiveness, this is a ten out of ten. The shape, the hem, the stupid waistband slogan, pure eyesore.

But don’t worry, they’re sold out!

Who Doesn’t Love Harem Jeans?

Jun11

desigual jeans frontWhat’s not to love here?

Harem jeans are always hideous, by definition, but this style by Desigual pulls out all the stops.

The belt, the embroidery or whatever that shit is, even the pockets are vaguely awry.

Most eye-catching is the exaggerated effect of a full diaper. It’s like the weight of the diaper-load is pulling the crotch down. Her leg placement doesn’t help either. You just want to lead her to the bathroom.

Here’s a slightly different model, just to show you that Desigual isn’t a one-trick pony when it comes to harem jeans.

Desigual harems

Thanks to Marky for this submission.