These jeans are so pretty and versatile!
Let me describe them:
Classic denim pair updated with ostrich feathers
Right? What more do you need to know?
At $1,995.00, they squeak in at under two thousand dollars. Whew! Close one, Mr. Kors!
I love how the feathers start sprouting just under the knee… it’s so organic, almost, because that’s where the feathers always start.
The rear view is clean and classy:
Nothing to complain about here, except, you know.
Styled on the Fall ’16 runway over this mini dress, Miu Miu’s denim jacket has long tails inspired by traditional morning suits that fall below your knee. This piece is paneled with navy velvet to flatter the shoulders and has buttoned sleeve tabs that create a deliberate ruched, scrunched shape. Wear yours with the double-breasted front unfastened.
And at $2,265, are they really serious with this shit?
Here’s the front view.
Can you think of one thing you could wear with this that could mitigate the horror?
Didn’t think so.
What if you saw this at Salvation Army for ten dollars?
Miu Miu is just fucking with us.
Admit that these Fendi jeans are magnificent.
On sale at Neiman Marcus for just $2,250, they are sure to win admiring glances from goats, sheep, and llamas.
They’ll be going, “Look, someone forgot to finish shearing off her coat!”
They won’t really notice the classic five pocket skinny cut or the cotton/spandex fabric.
But you’ll feel like a million bucks for getting such a great deal, if you wear IT size 6 or 10.
I’m not sure if I want ‘bucks’ to be a pun here.
Yes! Let’s have it be a pun.
I don’t know what else to say about this special piece except that someone at Fendi needs to die.
This fabulous jeans have sold out because I didn’t move fast enough, and if you want to kill me, stand in line.
I feel I have failed you connoisseurs of hideous denim with my chronic laziness. If I can make it up to you, let me know.
In any case, let’s admire these wondrous Dolce and Gabanna jeans, a museum piece that was well worth the $3,000 or $6,000 or whatever the fuck they went for.
Look at the back:
Imagine the crunchy feeling of sitting down!
How many blind Italian grandmas or nimble-fingered Roman street children worked themselves to exhaustion on these breathtaking denim collector’s pieces?
And how much fun for an OCD sufferer to patiently pick off each
cheap little embellishment?
Let us weep together at the glory that might have been if I weren’t so lazy.
A playful, asymmetrical Moschino miniskirt in classic denim. 5-pocket styling. Button closure and zip fly. Unlined.
Playful is often a synonym for “awful” apparently. I know that when I wear something a little unusual, like my weird old silver sneakers, some idiot will say “What fun shoes!” They might just as well scream EW!
So let’s call this skirt Playful and Fun. It looks sort of like a big denim handkerchief, only worse.
From the back, it’s just sad.
Why doesn’t Moschino just fire that cunt already???
$550 at Shopbop
At first glance, these jeans might be dismissed as merely ugly, but look again. They are hideous.
These flared jeans are trimmed at the cuffs with faux shearling and mixed-media embellishments – they are also cut shorter at the back to ensure they sit neatly over ankle boots or shoes.
The shorter-at-the-back idea is a new twist, but aesthetically it is a solid failure. The people behind you will be frightened by the furry-looking things clinging to your hem.
Nothing is good here. The cut and stitching are unflattering, producing a cameltoe as an added insult.
Go ahead and buy these Toga jeans if you are completely nuts and need to waste $665.
I was so taken by this denim Balmain mini skirt, on sale for $1,123, that I nearly had an aneurism when I discovered the matching jacket, reduced from $2,895 to only $1,448.
Imagine the horrified stares if you walked into a room decked out in your distressed embellished Balmain denim mini-suit?
Let me just quote Stylebop:
Under the helm of Olivier Rousteing, heritage It-brand Balmain has been reinvented for the A-list with brash rocker attitude, luxurious fabrics, and rococo embellishments.
Ooh, nailed it!!! Rococo is key. Brash rocker attitude, ditto.
Think of it this way: If you saw this outfit at Walmart for $29.95, would you buy it?
Of course not! But add a couple thousand dollars, and it’s couture. Plus, look at the painstaking workmanship on the skirt.
Calculating the factors of stupidity, hideousness, and price, I’m going to give this effort a solid nine out of ten.