Balmain Brings It

balmain denim suit

I was so taken by this denim Balmain mini skirt, on sale for $1,123, that I nearly had an aneurism when I discovered the matching jacket, reduced from $2,895 to only $1,448.

Imagine the horrified stares if you walked into a room decked out in your distressed embellished Balmain denim mini-suit?

Let me just quote Stylebop:

Under the helm of Olivier Rousteing, heritage It-brand Balmain has been reinvented for the A-list with brash rocker attitude, luxurious fabrics, and rococo embellishments.

Ooh, nailed it!!! Rococo is key. Brash rocker attitude, ditto.

Think of it this way: If you saw this outfit at Walmart for $29.95, would you buy it?

Of course not! But add a couple thousand dollars, and it’s couture. Plus, look at the painstaking workmanship on the skirt.

Balmain denim rear

Calculating the factors of stupidity, hideousness, and price, I’m going to give this effort a solid nine out of ten.


Flared Enough For You?

Kenzo Wide Leg Jeans 745

Are these hideous or just stupid? I feel conflicted.

In any case, they need to be here.  Again, a designer has chosen to be ironic instead of functional or flattering. Is Kenzo saying, “You want BIG?” Or just “Hey, stupid, buy this!”

Before you start thinking these are kind of cute, in an exaggerated sailor kind of way, take another look.

Kenzo Wide Leg Jeans 2

All that fucking fabric! WHY? Imagine trying to sit in a restaurant chair, or running to catch a bus?

Lucky for somebody, they are on sale with only size 36 available.

At $745, these jeans are absurdly overpriced, but now at $298 they’re just a No, thanks

Back To Front Jeans, Ha Ha

back to front jeans haha710 dollars

These high-rise distressed jeans are a little joke by Ashish, a brand that thinks denim should be ironic.

Wouldn’t it be funny if you wore jeans that looked like you put them on backwards but they were actually made that way? And how much funnier if you paid $710?

Look, here’s the back view:

back to front jeans 2 haha710 dollars

Well, it doesn’t get much funnier, does it?

Call me humorless, I usually try to look attractive in jeans, even when I don’t. I might wear them backwards if you paid me $710. In fact, yes, this is an official offer for a limited time only.

A lot of thought and work went into these stupid trompe l’oeil jeans, effort that should have been directed toward curing cancer or making low-fat ice cream in more flavors.

The good/bad news is that now you can get these jeans on sale for only $426. They’re sold out in size large, so be watching for a big rich lady with her pants on backward.

Is This Art, Or Just Sad?

faustine jacket eww

‘This unique denim jacket is engineered to look unraveled.’

Well, the engineering is successful, at least. But why???

On sale for $924, this is obviously an investment piece. You could wear it to shreds and it would still be good as new.

Not that it’s good.

I can see it’s Art, in the sense that it is baffling. It’s not designed with function in mind: It’s a passive-aggressive way to impress your friends in the fashion world.

Faustine Steinmetz is probably a good name to throw around with It Girls, but otherwise she seems determined to create clothes that are pretentious and awful. Even the model is bummed out.

This jacket rates a full 10 out of ten.