Denim Playsuit, $1,005

Denim Playsuit Steve and Yoni

What is more stylish than a denim playsuit?

Let net-a-porter explain:

Steve J & Yoni P’s blue denim playsuit is your one-stop solution to effortless off-duty dressing. This relaxed design is fitted with plenty of practical pockets and features a tonal patch at the chest. Roll the sleeves and cuffs to add to its insouciant ease.


It is so totally effortless, except for the part about earning $1,005.00 to throw around. But listen, there’s a tonal patch at the chest, okay? That kind of thing isn’t going to be cheap. Tonal patches don’t grow on trees.

Now, here comes the insouciant rolled sleeves and cuffs:

Denim Playsuit 2 Steve and Yoni

I like that 80s-looking shoulder action, don’t you?

If looking like an overgrown child playing Engineer is your dream come true, hurry up and buy this ‘piece,’ ahem. There’s only ONE LEFT in size large!


Yohji Yamamoto Drop-Rise Jeans

yohji yamamoto front 610

These stunning jeans are available exclusively at Barneys and you can see why.

Where else would you go looking for denim pants in a horrible faded wash that make you look like a hobo who needs a bathroom?

yohji yamamoto rear 610

The rear view is breathtaking, isn’t it? I love that the crotch is so near the ankle.

And the patch pockets are placed so artfully!

For those of you familiar with rise and inseam: 27″ rise, 17″ inseam.

Never argue with Yohji. Just fork over the $610 and never look back.

The Denim Hooded Cape

Denim Hooded Cape - See by Chloe

‘This sharp denim style transforms a wardrobe-staple fabric into a full-on statement garment, by combining light, medium and dark washes in patchwork design.’

Yes, this is a full-on statement but what is the statement? “I have no taste!” Hi, I’m blind!” or just “Please don’t laugh?”

I will admit that this ‘piece’ is versatile. Look at all the ways you can wear it! The arms-out style is my favorite; it’s like something you’d wear during surgery for the amputation.

Denim Hooded Cap rear - See by Chloe

The rear-view is challenging. It suggests a nurse or a member of the clergy, but with something sinister afoot.

Just take it away.

See by Chloe, $465.00

Balmain Brings It

balmain denim suit

I was so taken by this denim Balmain mini skirt, on sale for $1,123, that I nearly had an aneurism when I discovered the matching jacket, reduced from $2,895 to only $1,448.

Imagine the horrified stares if you walked into a room decked out in your distressed embellished Balmain denim mini-suit?

Let me just quote Stylebop:

Under the helm of Olivier Rousteing, heritage It-brand Balmain has been reinvented for the A-list with brash rocker attitude, luxurious fabrics, and rococo embellishments.

Ooh, nailed it!!! Rococo is key. Brash rocker attitude, ditto.

Think of it this way: If you saw this outfit at Walmart for $29.95, would you buy it?

Of course not! But add a couple thousand dollars, and it’s couture. Plus, look at the painstaking workmanship on the skirt.

Balmain denim rear

Calculating the factors of stupidity, hideousness, and price, I’m going to give this effort a solid nine out of ten.


Flared Enough For You?

Kenzo Wide Leg Jeans 745

Are these hideous or just stupid? I feel conflicted.

In any case, they need to be here.  Again, a designer has chosen to be ironic instead of functional or flattering. Is Kenzo saying, “You want BIG?” Or just “Hey, stupid, buy this!”

Before you start thinking these are kind of cute, in an exaggerated sailor kind of way, take another look.

Kenzo Wide Leg Jeans 2

All that fucking fabric! WHY? Imagine trying to sit in a restaurant chair, or running to catch a bus?

Lucky for somebody, they are on sale with only size 36 available.

At $745, these jeans are absurdly overpriced, but now at $298 they’re just a No, thanks

Back To Front Jeans, Ha Ha

back to front jeans haha710 dollars

These high-rise distressed jeans are a little joke by Ashish, a brand that thinks denim should be ironic.

Wouldn’t it be funny if you wore jeans that looked like you put them on backwards but they were actually made that way? And how much funnier if you paid $710?

Look, here’s the back view:

back to front jeans 2 haha710 dollars

Well, it doesn’t get much funnier, does it?

Call me humorless, I usually try to look attractive in jeans, even when I don’t. I might wear them backwards if you paid me $710. In fact, yes, this is an official offer for a limited time only.

A lot of thought and work went into these stupid trompe l’oeil jeans, effort that should have been directed toward curing cancer or making low-fat ice cream in more flavors.

The good/bad news is that now you can get these jeans on sale for only $426. They’re sold out in size large, so be watching for a big rich lady with her pants on backward.

Is This Art, Or Just Sad?

faustine jacket eww

‘This unique denim jacket is engineered to look unraveled.’

Well, the engineering is successful, at least. But why???

On sale for $924, this is obviously an investment piece. You could wear it to shreds and it would still be good as new.

Not that it’s good.

I can see it’s Art, in the sense that it is baffling. It’s not designed with function in mind: It’s a passive-aggressive way to impress your friends in the fashion world.

Faustine Steinmetz is probably a good name to throw around with It Girls, but otherwise she seems determined to create clothes that are pretentious and awful. Even the model is bummed out.

This jacket rates a full 10 out of ten.

Slogan Denim Trousers $275

tigran avetisyan jeans 2

These oversized bleached black denim trousers have a wide leg and an elastic waistband stitched with the enigmatic phrase, “What Will Remain.”

Oh just shut up. They’re also unbelievably stupid from every angle.

Does the fact that the designer, Tigran Avetisyan, is a Russian hipster mitigate the awfulness of these ‘denim trousers?’ Not for me. No pass for Tigran.

If we’re grading strictly on unattractiveness, this is a ten out of ten. The shape, the hem, the stupid waistband slogan, pure eyesore.

But don’t worry, they’re sold out!

Who Doesn’t Love Harem Jeans?

desigual jeans frontWhat’s not to love here?

Harem jeans are always hideous, by definition, but this style by Desigual pulls out all the stops.

The belt, the embroidery or whatever that shit is, even the pockets are vaguely awry.

Most eye-catching is the exaggerated effect of a full diaper. It’s like the weight of the diaper-load is pulling the crotch down. Her leg placement doesn’t help either. You just want to lead her to the bathroom.

Here’s a slightly different model, just to show you that Desigual isn’t a one-trick pony when it comes to harem jeans.

Desigual harems

Thanks to Marky for this submission.

Hideous Denim Is Here To stay.

We can’t seem to make it go away but at least we can bear witness. We can document these atrocities and try to embarrass  whoever created them.

This is my calling. I feel god’s pleasure in my wrath. (Just kidding with the god part.)

Help out by sending pix or links, or just come around to gaze in horror and scream helplessly.


ashish denim jumpsuit

Let’s start off with this oversized jumpsuit by Ashish. It feels like the ugliest, stupidest, most egregious denim thing I have ever seen in my life, but experience has proven that there’s always something worse around the next corner.

But still. How unforgivable is this piece of shit? It’s begging people to laugh at it, people who don’t even know it costs $1,425.

We can laugh or cry but there are only TWO LEFT in size small. You know what that means? There are medium and large people who went, “YES, put this in my cart!” and then paid money.

Do they want to feel like Alice in Wonderland after she shrunk?  Can anyone explain?