Why do these jeans by Roberto Cavalli cost $5,770?
Two words: Allover applique. (I know, ‘all over’ is usually two words but not in the description by Moda Operandi, one of my favorite fashion websites.)
Medium wash, 98 per cent cotton, 2 per cent elastane. Shit allover the place. Dry clean only.
I’m sure that plenty of time and effort were involved in producing these jeans but I have so many problems with them!
The 60’s are over, for starters.
And really, what message are you sending when you wear this? Are people supposed to think you sewed on the patches yourself? That you “found” the jeans in a thrift store? That they were once your mom’s and she wore them to Woodstock?
Or that you’re an imbecile who would spend nearly 6 thousand bucks for a pair of jeans?
Maybe they’re for Cher. Some woman in Neiman Marcus once confided to me that Roberto Cavalli is one of Cher’s favorite brands. This was like 100 years ago but I’m still offended that she thought this was a selling point.
Anyway, ew. Make them go away!
Somewhere, some guy is masturbating to the above text.
Meanwhile, did you know that something could be ‘heavily curated for authenticity’?
Me neither. But Justin Bieber loves this brand, so it must be really good.
Find it here.
Saint Laurent‘s high-rise denim shorts have been made in Japan and printed with stars – a signature motif. This pair has a frayed hem that gives them a love-worn finish. Style yours with a T-shirt and sneakers.
So….made in Japan? Is that supposed to justify the high price? Because ‘Japanese denim’ is a big deal for jeans snobs, unless you’re Japanese, then it’s ‘Made in the USA’ you’re looking for.
Here’s a close-up for your perusal:
I guess they’re trying to showcase the frayed edges, but is this feature really essential? Are you afraid that people will think your shorts are new?
You know what, go ahead and pay $750 for denim cut-offs if you’re that stupid. Be my guest.
Now at first glance, you’ll just go “Ew, what the hell is that crap?” because you haven’t been told it’s a ‘hand-embroidered Maori Mask patch.’
So get this:
All embellishments are done by male artisans in Southern India.
What a wondrous statement! Why ‘male’ artisans? Why Southern India, when Maori are the indigenous people of New Zealand?
Most of all, why does Figue think we should pay $1,200 for this eyesore? Is it because…
each reclaimed vintage Levi’s denim jacket [is] sourced by Stephanie for its wash and fit.
Stephanie, whoever you are, you have some fucking nerve.
Here is just what we’ve all been looking for: distressed patchwork jeans that are worth every penny of the $1,090 price tag.
Obviously, the work that goes into each pair of these Saint Laurent jeans is monumental. Look at all those little squares and rectangles, overlapped at random as if by blind pre-schoolers.
The patches remind me of those iron-on ones I used to get for my kid’s jeans, the kind that curl at the edges no matter how long you leave the iron on those fuckers.
I love the acid-washed color, too. That alone says “class.”
And here comes a big surprise: They are on sale for only $535, here! I am hoping Amal Clooney will discover these, they are just the kind of thing she loves – a flashback of 80’s Eurotrash at an inflated price.
Rest assured there is at least one person deluded enough to buy this atrocity, and she/he wears a size 27.
What is more stylish than a denim playsuit?
Let net-a-porter explain:
Steve J & Yoni P’s blue denim playsuit is your one-stop solution to effortless off-duty dressing. This relaxed design is fitted with plenty of practical pockets and features a tonal patch at the chest. Roll the sleeves and cuffs to add to its insouciant ease.
It is so totally effortless, except for the part about earning $1,005.00 to throw around. But listen, there’s a tonal patch at the chest, okay? That kind of thing isn’t going to be cheap. Tonal patches don’t grow on trees.
Now, here comes the insouciant rolled sleeves and cuffs:
I like that 80s-looking shoulder action, don’t you?
If looking like an overgrown child playing Engineer is your dream come true, hurry up and buy this ‘piece,’ ahem. There’s only ONE LEFT in size large!
I was so taken by this denim Balmain mini skirt, on sale for $1,123, that I nearly had an aneurism when I discovered the matching jacket, reduced from $2,895 to only $1,448.
Imagine the horrified stares if you walked into a room decked out in your distressed embellished Balmain denim mini-suit?
Let me just quote Stylebop:
Under the helm of Olivier Rousteing, heritage It-brand Balmain has been reinvented for the A-list with brash rocker attitude, luxurious fabrics, and rococo embellishments.
Ooh, nailed it!!! Rococo is key. Brash rocker attitude, ditto.
Think of it this way: If you saw this outfit at Walmart for $29.95, would you buy it?
Of course not! But add a couple thousand dollars, and it’s couture. Plus, look at the painstaking workmanship on the skirt.
Calculating the factors of stupidity, hideousness, and price, I’m going to give this effort a solid nine out of ten.
We can’t seem to make it go away but at least we can bear witness. We can document these atrocities and try to embarrass whoever created them.
This is my calling. I feel god’s pleasure in my wrath. (Just kidding with the god part.)
Help out by sending pix or links, or just come around to gaze in horror and scream helplessly.
Let’s start off with this oversized jumpsuit by Ashish. It feels like the ugliest, stupidest, most egregious denim thing I have ever seen in my life, but experience has proven that there’s always something worse around the next corner.
But still. How unforgivable is this piece of shit? It’s begging people to laugh at it, people who don’t even know it costs $1,425.
We can laugh or cry but there are only TWO LEFT in size small. You know what that means? There are medium and large people who went, “YES, put this in my cart!” and then paid money.
Do they want to feel like Alice in Wonderland after she shrunk? Can anyone explain?