These patchwork jeans by Kanye-approved label Off-White are not just overpriced bullshit.
They are reinterpreted Levi vintage jeans. So there, you philistine. Here’s what you get for the money:
• Button fly
• Reinforced zipper
• Branded loop pull
• Branded top button closure
• Five-pocket styling
• Velvet and denim patchwork details
• Levi’s branded patch
• Levi’s branded rivets
• Contrast stitching
• Classic fit
• 100% cotton
• Machine wash cool, line dry
• Made in Italy
If you have any friends who are Japanese style leaders or hip-hop stars, you will win their sincerest envy by wearing these jeans. Others will assume you got them at a yard sale or that your mom wore them to a 60’s love-in.
All the work that went into them, just to look like they’re one-of-a-kind! When they’re not!
You could outfit more than 100 people in vintage Levi’s for the same $1,008, by shopping at Goodwill.
But that would be stupid when these stunners might get you a nod from Kanye if he knew you existed.
Why do these jeans by Roberto Cavalli cost $5,770?
Two words: Allover applique. (I know, ‘all over’ is usually two words but not in the description by Moda Operandi, one of my favorite fashion websites.)
Medium wash, 98 per cent cotton, 2 per cent elastane. Shit allover the place. Dry clean only.
I’m sure that plenty of time and effort were involved in producing these jeans but I have so many problems with them!
The 60’s are over, for starters.
And really, what message are you sending when you wear this? Are people supposed to think you sewed on the patches yourself? That you “found” the jeans in a thrift store? That they were once your mom’s and she wore them to Woodstock?
Or that you’re an imbecile who would spend nearly 6 thousand bucks for a pair of jeans?
Maybe they’re for Cher. Some woman in Neiman Marcus once confided to me that Roberto Cavalli is one of Cher’s favorite brands. This was like 100 years ago but I’m still offended that she thought this was a selling point.
Anyway, ew. Make them go away!
This denim and wool jersey dress by Junya Watanabe says ‘FUN!’ or maybe ‘SUCKER!’
Either way, I know we all love trompe l’oeil fashion because we are all surrealists at heart.
You know what, this is just too stupid. There is no excuse for it. Tie your jeans around a dress if you feel you must but don’t pay $955 for Junya to fuck around like this. Don’t encourage him.
Here, look at the back.
Famed for his innovative ability to deconstruct silhouettes, Junya Watanabe designed this midi dress to look like two pieces in one. Detailed with a gathered asymmetric front, it’s cut from faded light-blue denim and black wool-jersey. We like it best paired with brogues.
When you walk, it will look even more upsetting.
Just wear brogues and hope no one recognizes you.
Net-a-porter, $955 and hurry, medium and large are already sold out.
Oh my god, how cute is this denim mini dress?!?
Marques’ Almeida’s dress is made from heavily frayed blue denim – a signature fabric from the label’s Fall ’15 runway. This mini-length style has been cut with a folded asymmetric skirt. Team yours with sneakers on off-duty days, or channel the show styling and wear it with metallic heels.
Just look at the detail here. It’s almost like origami, chewed by hungry little children in a faraway sweatshop.
Behold the rear view.
Imagine that back sash-thing gently flapping against your thigh. Paradise.
$615 at net-a-porter
We needed feather-trimmed denim shorts and now we have them. It’s like god is listening to our prayers.
Opening Ceremony ReWork refashions vintage denim and basic tees into a chic, feather-trimmed collection. Vintage Levi’s 501 and 505 jeans are reconstructed and rewashed into shorts and pants, while T-shirts are fashioned from soft cotton. Each piece is adorned with pink or white ostrich plumes.
What a chic and witty statement piece for only $150!
Are these hideous or just stupid? I feel conflicted.
In any case, they need to be here. Again, a designer has chosen to be ironic instead of functional or flattering. Is Kenzo saying, “You want BIG?” Or just “Hey, stupid, buy this!”
Before you start thinking these are kind of cute, in an exaggerated sailor kind of way, take another look.
All that fucking fabric! WHY? Imagine trying to sit in a restaurant chair, or running to catch a bus?
Lucky for somebody, they are on sale with only size 36 available.
At $745, these jeans are absurdly overpriced, but now at $298 they’re just a No, thanks