Tag Archive | why?

Patchwork Lounge-Pants, $1,500

denim patchwork drop-crotch lounge pants

So, these denim patchwork drop-rise lounge pants are the “work” of Greg Lauren, either a relative of Ralph or just some blind nutcase who has inexplicably been allowed to design clothing.

Priced at $1,500, this item comes with all the bells and whistles nobody wants on their jeans: drawstring waist, ribbed knit cuffs, mismatched pockets, a carpenter’s loop, and a crotch that almost hits the knees.

Bingo, right?

Let’s not forget those patches and fake rips.

The rear view is breathtaking. Unless “breathholding” is a word.

denim patchwork drop-crotch lounge pants

They are still available in size 2 at Barneys.

Hurry! I’ll wait while you go order them.

Is Tom Ford Fucking Crazy?

Mar10

tom ford denim fur jacket

Remember when Tom Ford meant sophisticated and sexy?

Never mind. Tom Ford has lost its meaning as a brand and Tom Ford himself must have lost his mind.

Just look at this horrifying denim and fur jacket, priced at a baffling $5,590.00.

Stretch denim with dyed rabbit. Shouldn’t this be like $150 at Macy’s? I don’t understand! No comprende, Tom!

Here’s the back view, just so you have no illusions that the back is studded with Colombian emeralds.

tom forf denim 2

Notice how awful those puffy shoulders look. Even the collar is offensive.

I hope you’ll agree this is a very special piece, combining visual repulsiveness with astronomical price, and a suggestion of moral bankruptcy.

This will be a hard act to follow but Tom may be up for it.

Only one left at Neiman Marcus!

Apron Pants, Finally!

Jan16

Can you believe they only thought of this NOW???

How many times have we longed for something to tie over our pants that looked almost like a pair of faded jeans?

Well, the wait is over. These Apron Pants are just $300 but stock is low and they’re going fast.

I just wish they’d call these things chaps and get it over with.

Thank Junya For Raising The Bar

Sep28

This denim and wool jersey dress by Junya Watanabe says ‘FUN!’ or maybe ‘SUCKER!’

Either way, I know we all love trompe l’oeil fashion because we are all surrealists at heart.

You know what, this is just too stupid. There is no excuse for it. Tie your jeans around a dress if you feel you must but don’t pay $955 for Junya to fuck around like this. Don’t encourage him.

Here, look at the back.

Famed for his innovative ability to deconstruct silhouettes, Junya Watanabe designed this midi dress to look like two pieces in one. Detailed with a gathered asymmetric front, it’s cut from faded light-blue denim and black wool-jersey. We like it best paired with brogues.

When you walk, it will look even more upsetting.

Just wear brogues and hope no one recognizes you.

Net-a-porter, $955 and hurry, medium and large are already sold out.

Faux Shearling Trim: No.

Aug22

At first glance, these jeans might be dismissed as merely ugly, but look again. They are hideous.

These flared jeans are trimmed at the cuffs with faux shearling and mixed-media embellishments – they are also cut shorter at the back to ensure they sit neatly over ankle boots or shoes.

God, why?

The shorter-at-the-back idea is a new twist, but aesthetically it is a solid failure. The people behind you will be frightened by the furry-looking things clinging to your hem.

Nothing is good here. The cut and stitching are unflattering, producing a cameltoe as an added insult.

Go ahead and buy these Toga jeans if you are completely nuts and need to waste $665.

Oh Hell Yes

Aug1

Right?

We needed feather-trimmed denim shorts and now we have them. It’s like god is listening to our prayers.

Opening Ceremony ReWork refashions vintage denim and basic tees into a chic, feather-trimmed collection. Vintage Levi’s 501 and 505 jeans are reconstructed and rewashed into shorts and pants, while T-shirts are fashioned from soft cotton. Each piece is adorned with pink or white ostrich plumes.

What a chic and witty statement piece for only $150!

The Denim Hooded Cape

Jul3

‘This sharp denim style transforms a wardrobe-staple fabric into a full-on statement garment, by combining light, medium and dark washes in patchwork design.’

Yes, this is a full-on statement but what is the statement? “I have no taste!” Hi, I’m blind!” or just “Please don’t laugh?”

I will admit that this ‘piece’ is versatile. Look at all the ways you can wear it! The arms-out style is my favorite; it’s like something you’d wear during surgery for the amputation.

The rear-view is challenging. It suggests a nurse or a member of the clergy, but with something sinister afoot.

Just take it away.

See by Chloe, $465.00

Flared Enough For You?

Jun26

Are these hideous or just stupid? I feel conflicted.

In any case, they need to be here. Again, a designer has chosen to be ironic instead of functional or flattering. Is Kenzo saying, “You want BIG?” Or just “Hey, stupid, buy this!”

Before you start thinking these are kind of cute, in an exaggerated sailor kind of way, take another look.

All that fucking fabric! WHY? Imagine trying to sit in a restaurant chair, or running to catch a bus?

Lucky for somebody, they are on sale with only size 36 available.

At $745, these jeans are absurdly overpriced, but now at $298 they’re just a No, thanks

Back To Front Jeans, Ha Ha

Jun23

These high-rise distressed jeans are a little joke by Ashish, a brand that thinks denim should be ironic.

Wouldn’t it be funny if you wore jeans that looked like you put them on backwards but they were actually made that way? And how much funnier if you paid $710?

Look, here’s the back view:

Well, it doesn’t get much funnier, does it?

Call me humorless, I usually try to look attractive in jeans, even when I don’t. I might wear them backwards if you paid me $710. In fact, yes, this is an official offer for a limited time only.

A lot of thought and work went into these stupid trompe l’oeil jeans, effort that should have been directed toward curing cancer or making low-fat ice cream in more flavors.

The good/bad news is that now you can get these jeans on sale for only $426. They’re sold out in size large, so be watching for a big rich lady with her pants on backward.

Is This Art, Or Just Sad?

Jun17

‘This unique denim jacket is engineered to look unraveled.’

Well, the engineering is successful, at least. But why???

On sale for $924, this is obviously an investment piece. You could wear it to shreds and it would still be good as new.

Not that it’s good.

I can see it’s Art, in the sense that it is baffling. It’s not designed with function in mind: It’s a passive-aggressive way to impress your friends in the fashion world.

Faustine Steinmetz is probably a good name to throw around with It Girls, but otherwise she seems determined to create clothes that are pretentious and awful. Even the model is bummed out.

This jacket rates a full 10 out of ten.

Hideous Denim

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