Tag Archive | haha

Patchwork Lounge-Pants, $1,500

Sep23

denim patchwork drop-crotch lounge pants

So, these denim patchwork drop-rise lounge pants are the “work” of Greg Lauren, either a relative of Ralph or just some blind nutcase who has inexplicably been allowed to design clothing.

Priced at $1,500, this item comes with all the bells and whistles nobody wants on their jeans:  drawstring waist, ribbed knit cuffs, mismatched pockets, a carpenter’s loop, and a crotch that almost hits the knees.

Bingo, right?

Let’s not forget those patches and fake rips.

The rear view is breathtaking. Unless “breathholding” is a word.

denim patchwork drop-crotch lounge pants

They are still available in size 2 at Barneys.

Hurry! I’ll wait while you go order them.

Michael Kors Ostrich Feather Jeans

Aug26

denim ostrich feather jeans michael kors

These jeans are so pretty and versatile!

Let me describe them:

Classic denim pair updated with ostrich feathers

Right? What more do you need to know?

At $1,995.00, they squeak in at under two thousand dollars. Whew! Close one, Mr. Kors!

I love how the feathers start sprouting just under the knee… it’s so organic, almost, because that’s where the feathers always start.

The rear view is clean and classy:

denim ostrich feather jeans 2

Nothing to complain about here, except, you know.

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Skinny Denim Jeans With Shearling Fur Cuffs

Jun21

Fendi Denim with fur cuffs 2250

Admit that these Fendi jeans are magnificent.

On sale at Neiman Marcus for just $2,250, they are sure to win admiring glances from goats, sheep, and llamas.

They’ll be going, “Look, someone forgot to finish shearing off her coat!”

They won’t really notice the classic five pocket skinny cut or the cotton/spandex fabric.

But you’ll feel like a million bucks for getting such a great deal, if you wear IT size 6 or 10.

I’m not sure if I want ‘bucks’ to be a pun here.

Yes! Let’s have it be a pun.

I don’t know what else to say about this special piece except that someone at Fendi needs to die.

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Apron Pants, Finally!

Jan16

denim apron pantsCan you believe they only thought of this NOW???

denim apron pants rear

How many times have we longed for something to tie over our pants that looked almost like a pair of faded jeans?

Well, the wait is over. These Apron Pants are just $300 but stock is low and they’re going fast.

I just wish they’d call these things chaps and get it over with.

 

Oh Hell Yes

Aug1

feather trim jean shorts opening ceremony

Right?

We needed feather-trimmed denim shorts and now we have them. It’s like god is listening to our prayers.

Opening Ceremony ReWork refashions vintage denim and basic tees into a chic, feather-trimmed collection. Vintage Levi’s 501 and 505 jeans are reconstructed and rewashed into shorts and pants, while T-shirts are fashioned from soft cotton. Each piece is adorned with pink or white ostrich plumes.

What a chic and witty statement piece for only $150!

Finally, the $1,000 Patchwork Jeans

Jul28

st laurent jeans

Here is just what we’ve all been looking for: distressed patchwork jeans that are worth every penny of the $1,090 price tag.

Obviously, the work that goes into each pair of these Saint Laurent jeans is monumental. Look at all those little squares and rectangles, overlapped at random as if by blind pre-schoolers.

The patches remind me of those iron-on ones I used to get for my kid’s jeans, the kind that curl at the edges no matter how long you leave the iron on those fuckers.

st laurent jeans rear

I love the acid-washed color, too. That alone says “class.”

And here comes a big surprise: They are on sale for only $535, here! I am hoping Amal Clooney will discover these, they are just the kind of thing she loves – a flashback of 80’s Eurotrash at an inflated price.

Rest assured there is at least one person deluded enough to buy this atrocity, and she/he wears a size 27.

Denim Playsuit, $1,005

Jul14

Denim Playsuit Steve and Yoni

What is more stylish than a denim playsuit?

Let net-a-porter explain:

Steve J & Yoni P’s blue denim playsuit is your one-stop solution to effortless off-duty dressing. This relaxed design is fitted with plenty of practical pockets and features a tonal patch at the chest. Roll the sleeves and cuffs to add to its insouciant ease.

Right??

It is so totally effortless, except for the part about earning $1,005.00 to throw around. But listen, there’s a tonal patch at the chest, okay? That kind of thing isn’t going to be cheap. Tonal patches don’t grow on trees.

Now, here comes the insouciant rolled sleeves and cuffs:

Denim Playsuit 2 Steve and Yoni

I like that 80s-looking shoulder action, don’t you?

If looking like an overgrown child playing Engineer is your dream come true, hurry up and buy this ‘piece,’ ahem. There’s only ONE LEFT in size large!

 

Yohji Yamamoto Drop-Rise Jeans

Jul8

yohji yamamoto front 610

These stunning jeans are available exclusively at Barneys and you can see why.

Where else would you go looking for denim pants in a horrible faded wash that make you look like a hobo who needs a bathroom?

yohji yamamoto rear 610

The rear view is breathtaking, isn’t it? I love that the crotch is so near the ankle.

And the patch pockets are placed so artfully!

For those of you familiar with rise and inseam: 27″ rise, 17″ inseam.

Never argue with Yohji. Just fork over the $610 and never look back.

Back To Front Jeans, Ha Ha

Jun23

back to front jeans haha710 dollars

These high-rise distressed jeans are a little joke by Ashish, a brand that thinks denim should be ironic.

Wouldn’t it be funny if you wore jeans that looked like you put them on backwards but they were actually made that way? And how much funnier if you paid $710?

Look, here’s the back view:

back to front jeans 2 haha710 dollars

Well, it doesn’t get much funnier, does it?

Call me humorless, I usually try to look attractive in jeans, even when I don’t. I might wear them backwards if you paid me $710. In fact, yes, this is an official offer for a limited time only.

A lot of thought and work went into these stupid trompe l’oeil jeans, effort that should have been directed toward curing cancer or making low-fat ice cream in more flavors.

The good/bad news is that now you can get these jeans on sale for only $426. They’re sold out in size large, so be watching for a big rich lady with her pants on backward.